been crying a lot all week. full moon tears? the sunset here was amazing last night all coppery pink, setting the clouds on fire. i watched it from my apartment, in bed with the cats watching tv things and crying about them. i did a tarot spread and got my old faithfuls the 3 of swords, 9 of swords, 8 of cups. after pulling these enough i’ve understood the message to be very clear: i’m terrified of heartbreak & i’m terrified of myself & i need to change that or i am going to be self-destructive. the mean voice in my head that says “you don’t deserve any of this and you’re going to fuck it up” was really loud this last week. i don’t know why. because i have too much time on my hands. because things have been especially good and beautiful and i don’t trust it. i don’t trust myself or my happiness. how do you change that?