4/20 was not a fun night to work in shelter. this kid got real paranoid and escalated and started calling me a fucking snitch and when i told him he needed to leave he just yelled at me for like 5 straight minutes, but finally left. then someone was violently trying to get into shelter this morning and we had to call the police, which i hate doing. adrenaline works in this weird way where i didn’t feel affected until everyone had left and then i stood in the empty church basement and burst into tears. sleep deprivation alone makes me weepy. but also i had a nice talk with a friend of the kid who had to leave and he apologized for his friend’s behavior, and i told him i understood it was just the situation and we talked about stuff for a while and then he asked “will i see you tomorrow?” and i said, “no not til next sunday” and he looked so disappointed and i just can’t sometimes, with boundaries and my dumb heart. ugh.