I’ve never dated anyone this way, spending so much time together. I’ve never dated anyone seriously enough for titles or longer than like 5 months. I get drained from being with someone else so much but then when we’re apart I miss her and feel an emptiness tickle at my throat.
Yesterday I was trying to be respectful of her space and not text too much, I’m always initiating things (fire Venus & Mars signs), and when she got out of work she texted “can I sleep at yours tonight?” which was a nice surprise. She met me in the park where my friends and I were eating a picnic dinner. She’s so tired these days and D. joked “you only look half-conscious.” She sat next to me and quietly told me that one of the babies on her service had died, I said I was sorry and asked if she wanted to talk about it, but she wanted wine and food. We sat in the sun as it faded.
We walked with V. to her place to get her spare key so I could walk her dog while she’s at work, since I still haven’t found a job and her wife moved out while they figure out a way to stay together (a story that is not mine to tell). In my bathroom, while we brushed our teeth, E. said “losing a child must be one of the worst things that can happen.” I almost started crying just thinking that thought and looked at her face in the mirror, but she kept brushing her teeth. In bed, she curled into me with her head on my chest and a leg slung over my thighs. I lay awake for a while after she fell asleep thinking about resilience and hearts and loving people you know might leave or die.