“So while it’s easy for many to say, ”If he hits me I’ll leave” the conditions that intimate partner violence creates are often a lot more complicated. It would seem our overly simplistic and condemning attitudes towards this phenomena may truly reflect how little we understand about the psychological and emotional nature of physical violence and the complexities of how humans conceptualize love.
We may also want to step back and consider how our judgmental attitudes of victim’s choices (“Why you didn’t leave? It’s your fault!” “You went back? How could you be so stupid?!” ) contributes to increased feelings of shame for many women and men who don’t feel they are able to leave, or are afraid to do so, a shame that isolates them further from the community at large….
I feel within this there is an opportunity to engage each other and find out just what exactly is happening in our sons, daughters, nieces, nephews and cousins relationships (and our own). I feel there is an opportunity in this mess, to continue to have conversations with our families and communities about violence in relationships, and to query with even more depth how we can create accountability. It has also given us a chance to recognize a phenomena that, in actuality is much more common than we would like to believe.”
i’ve been trying to untangle my discomfort with the current media conversations about chris brown/rihanna and here yolo akili has hit a lot of great points.
one of my main discomforts is especially that we are making this about ONE dude when it should be about the more than ONE IN THREE women and ONE IN FOUR men who experience intimate partner violence in/throughout their lifetimes, in most cases beginning before they turn 25. ALSO and so importantly, we are not at all having the conversation about how growing up in a household with domestic violence GREATLY INCREASES your likelihood of either being an abuser or a victim. it’s also the single best predictor of juvenile delinquency and adult criminality. this isn’t exactly justification for anyone’s actions, but it also isn’t exactly not that. which brings me to TRANSFORMATIVE JUSTICE. dudes, the prison industrial complex is not going to be part of this revolution.
